September 2017 Man jailed for 13 years for sex offences involving a girl A serial sex attacker has been jailed for 13 years after a string of sex offences involving a girl. Tony Pawson, 39, formerly of Ainslie Street, Grimsby, admitted a total of 13 offences. His case was listed for trial at Grimsby Crown Court but he later entered guilty pleas to alternative charges that were accepted by the prosecution. Pawson admitted seven offences of causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity. He also admitted six offences of sexual activity with a child. Pawson must register as a sex offender indefinitely and was given a restraining order. He was already in custody at the time of being sentenced.   Here is the emotional account from the victim: People say to be safe you have to be home before the streetlights get turned on, walk on the pavement and not on the road, wait for the green man, don’t walk under subways or past groups of young boys. Look both ways before crossing, hold mums hand across the road, make sure you can be seen by cars in the dark. I did all this. I still wasn’t safe. I was safer in the dark at 12 o’clock on the streets than I was in my own home? Nobody should ever be made to feel like this not now not last year not in five years not ever. I’m not a victim for sharing my story. I’m a survivor. Not for posting this but for for telling the world my truth. My story helps heal me and hopefully heals someone else one day… So…Dads. The first male best friend you have in your life. Your hero…the first soldier you ever meet. Your King. They protect you. They believe in you. They make every bad day the better day. They make you mislead when you feel as though the world crashes down into one. My Dad…who doesn’t deserve the name… he now sees four walls for the same days for more years he could count on his fingers. The same bed in the same clothes with his thoughts running through his head which we will never know what they are. All that time thinking bait what he did and why he did it? But did he even think it was wrong? He is seeing the same four walls because he is serving a prison sentence of a very long time. This is because he sexually abused me for many years. And although many years doesn’t seem that long. It feels like a lifetime. Nobody knows the reason why he did this but many gather up reason in their heads. I sometimes think of reasons why he did what he did I sometimes blame myself and say I guess I was just never a good enough daughter. For him I wasn’t. He never loved me… I was never a good enough daughter… seeing me in a prom dress or my wedding dress was never enough for him. He didn’t care about walking me down the aisle, he never cared about trying to raise me up instead of pulls me down he never cared about seeing me succeed or wanting the best for me. That was how his mind was set. He’s not sorry because he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. The fear of rejection that’s what it falls down to… he had no family. Not many friends. But he had me my sisters and my mum and still…not even that was good enough, was really not good enough. Does it hurt? Yes. Do I miss him? No I miss the father I wish he was. The one that never wants you to have a boyfriend because he doesn’t want me binge watching love films and eating ice cream till 2 o’clock in the morning because it didn’t go well and ended badly. The father that’s supposed to protect you from the bad in the world. Mine he just showed me the worst side of the world. The worst possible side. He showed me how bad things happened and never told me why it was me. Why was it me? Why? I wished that when you walked out on us you never came back. Because it would be so much easier than breaking my mum in half telling her the truth. But you ALWAYS came back. ALWAYS. I wished you’d wake up a new morning and be the right father, I just wanted you to love me. You ALWAYS carried on. I wished I prayed it would stop. IT DIDNT. I wished it was all a nightmare. IT WASNT, it was real I lived that nightmare every day of my life for so many days and weeks and months…and years. You stole my childhood. You stole my mum. You took my sleepless night. And my mascara stained pillow… You took every inch of my self respect and dignity. You drained every bit of energy and everything little bit of fight I had left in my bones. I wanted it to stop. I begged you. I cried. I harmed myself. I tried everything I could to awake this nightmare. In the end I stopped fighting. But you wouldn’t give up. I GAVE UP. I wanted your love…but now you have my hate. The hate for everyday of my life you ruined. The hate because I have to sit and watch the broken pieces inside me and my mum crumble and crumble. You continuously built those walls between us…and now get what we’ve torn them down. Every single brick. Look at us now. You think you can carry on doing harm. No not anymore. We struggled and struggled and even on the bad days we cry…but you are were you belong and there’s no other place for you accept hell. It was obvious one of us had to give up and I thought for so long…it would be me… I thought it was me that was going to die. Although it was me… I survived